2023-05-12 14:13:13
The Struggle of First Heartbreak
by: me
Isn't it difficult without closure? You distance yourself from others, refraining from engaging in conversations, while the thought lingers, "Maybe she'll come back." So you remain loyal, which seems absurd because while you cry for her, she's busy laughing with someone else. As you desperately try to forget her, she has already erased your existence. You're nothing more than a mistake she hopes she didn't commit, yet she doesn't even count mistakes, and you're considered worse than that.
As she embarks on her new story, you find yourself retracing the pages of the story you once wrote together. You go back, rereading the old conversations, the long and sweet messages, and even the heated verbal arguments. Perhaps you will discover what went wrong, where, when, how, and who's to blame. You review everything, searching for answers and hoping that one day you will get it right. But deep down, you realize that you should let go and stop trying to control everything because the truth is, you were already broken even before it began. She just put you back into pieces to left you broken into pieces again.
However, despite this realization, you're still madly and deeply in love. Instead of taking a step forward to move on, you take a leap of faith and wait. How long? A week? A month? Perhaps a year? And gradually, you start feeling like the only one left with these emotions. You think to yourself, "If she finds someone else, it's okay, right?" After all, you did everything you believed would be enough to love her. In fact, you gave your all. So it's her loss. But deep down, you're insecure. So, you feel like you're nothing more than a tiny tear drop in her vast ocean.
Overwhelmed, you begin to overthink every aspect, as if the entirety of the internet mirrors and echoes your very predicament. This emotional surge propels you to unprecedented heights, an overdose of anguish that fractures your heart. Then, there comes a moment when you experience a void, a feeling of acceptance. Within you, the lingering "what ifs," "buts," and "howevers" fade into nothing. All that remains is the pain she left behind, an enduring reminder that the joy you once embraced was indeed genuine. It is in this revelation that you utter the simple phrase, "it is what it is."
And thankfully this might be...
...the end.
But unfortunately, there's more—there is no true end, remember, this is a cycle, forever spinning.
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