Dear Friend: It was nice seeing you again at [] on Thursday. | Galaxy Verge

Dear Friend:

It was nice seeing you again at [] on Thursday. Thanks for taking a few moments to talk to me during your busy workday. That was really nice of you.

You mentioned that you are getting married in October. How exciting! I wish you all the best with your noble endeavor. When you described your move as "an adventure," I thought to myself, "adventures are temporary". Perhaps that was inapt. I have experience that may be of benefit to you in this wonderful life-changing decision your family is undertaking. Naturally you take your marriage very seriously, so you should have no problem considering a bit of unsolicited advice even from a stranger like me. But don't let my cautionary statements discourage you!

There is a very important saying, "Marry the right person; this decision will determine 95% of your happiness or misery in life." Marriage can be wonderful and necessary, but it can also be horrible. The frame of mind and expectations of both you and your spouse going into marriage matter.

People have different conceptions of marriage and what it means and involves. Fundamentally, marriage is about conceiving and raising your own children. (Never cede this responsibility to strangers, neighbors, the television, the government, a school, etc.) Marriage is an intentional permanent contract between two people who want to invest their entire lives in each other; it involves a great depth and wide variety of pain, and hopefully joy. Relationships are difficult anyway. Marriage is not to be entered into lightly. If you are afraid, or uncertain, or apprehensive, these are your personal alarm bells warning you of danger; do not ignore them, because many marriages were a living hell after these senses were ignored. Once you sign that contract and take those vows, there is no turning back. Marriage affects not just you and your spouse, but your parents and grandparents, your children, your grandchildren, your neighbors, your workplace, your friends, and everyone who will ever be around you or anyone else in your family, or others, to the second and third generation and beyond. Marriage will change you in both subtle and big ways; make sure you change for the better. You both must be absolutely certain: you owe it to yourself and to all those other people. The worst possible relationship is slavery -- a relationship with a controlling person. If someone is going to manipulate you, he will make himself wonderful until the moment of marriage, and then he will flip like a switch and ruin your life. Be careful. Ask yourself these questions: is marriage my own idea; am I really going to be happy to be around, and be intimate with, this one person exclusively for the rest of my life; do I feel like he is controlling me; do we have a successful history and future plans in which we are working together to help other people; do I really know that he really loves me; and does he bring me to a good place when I am truly honest with him (or is his goal to change me to please himself)? These kinds of manipulators I warn you about are all about persuading others to get their own way with them. You must actively avoid such people to the best of your ability; their dishonesty and selfishness will destroy you and your dreams and be an absolute nightmare on your family. Plus, you will find yourself inadvertently imitating them. Please don't be that victim. I warn you from my life. Fortunately, bad habits can be overcome often with merely a slight shift to a positive and divine viewpoint.

I have some personal horror stories including regarding one of my uncles and even my parents. I also have many success stories. Really, all you need to do is be honest in your heart to God and Jesus Christ, and he will handle all this for you. Real honesty is so rare, and marriage is so very serious! If you are headstrong and independent, the last thing you want is to be a slave to someone who wants to use you for the rest of your life. That is not love. If you are serious about marriage, use a prenuptial agreement first, regardless. Marriage is n