Nanofiction

2021-08-30 22:34:53 The Second-Foot Shop

“That’s twenty pounds, thank ye sir,” burbled the bumpy-faced imp of a man behind the counter.

“Twenty pounds?” protested the customer. “For some hole-ridden leather that hardly deserves to be called a boot?”

The shop assistant slammed and locked the door.

“Twenty pounds,” the imp cackled, “in currency or flesh.”

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-29 22:47:16 The Most Comfortable Time of Day

Milt wasn’t wearing any pants.

“Hey,” said a guy walking by. “Why aren’t you wearing any pants?”

“Didn’t you know?” Milt said. “It’s no-pants o’clock!”

The guy scrunched up his face. “Is that some kind of joke?” he said.

“Nope!” said Milt.

So the guy took his pants off, too.

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-27 16:08:19 Xpert Advice

“The treasure should be buried here.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“X marks the spot!”

“We’ve dug all over, but we can’t find any treasure.”

“Excuse me, what are you doing?”

“We are digging for treasure.”

“That is no excuse for ruining our giant game of tic tac toe.”

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-26 23:28:10 Adaptable Relationship

“Oh man, I am in so much trouble,” he gasped.

He thought he’d slept in past his wedding ceremony. It was the worst feeling of his life.

“Don’t worry,” said his fiancée when he called her. “You didn’t ruin the wedding. I found a replacement groom. You’re off the hook.”

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-25 23:15:02 Favouritiquette

“You’re my favourite, but she is my most favourite!”

“Now Jeffy, what have I told you about picking favourites?”

“Always be ready to change my mind, and it’s ok to make more than one person think they’re my favourite as long as they don’t both find out?”

“That’s my boy!”

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-24 19:09:18 Black Belt Housewife

When the doorbell rang, Jeannie was in the shower. Forty-seven seconds, three somersaults, and a double backflip later, she was holding Cobra Pose in the front hallway, her copy of Robertson’s Ultimate Guide to Ninja Home Defense peeking from her bathrobe pocket.

These days, one could never be too careful.

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-23 22:49:27 Mind Your Manners

“Grumble mumble.”

“Pardon me?” said Ms. Jane.

“Mumble grumble.”

“Do speak up, dear,” said Ms. Jane.

“Grr rumble mumbly.”

“Really, it’s very rude to mumble like that,” said Ms. Jane. “You’ve been raised to know better!”

But Ms. Jane’s stomach, it turned out, was a very poor student of etiquette.

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-22 23:12:39 The Tea

“Would you like another tea?”

“Ooh, why yes, thank you. So, tell me about the house.”

“Well, it’s got two…”

“No, no, I know all the boring details. Tell me the interesting things.”

“It’s haunted.”

“Haunted! Really?”

“Yes, I’m serious. Who on earth do you think made all the tea?”

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-21 22:51:38 The Best Friend

She finished tying his black tie before tucking it into the pink vest his fiancée picked out.

“I thought you didn’t want to be loved,” he said, looking down.

“I didn’t,” she smiled. “But sometimes people change their minds,” she whispered, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly before heading towards the sanctuary.

(source) Open / Comment

2021-08-20 22:47:18 Camping with Krayg

We were lost in the enchanted woods.

“Some shortcut, Krayg!” Tixen’s green eyes flashed.

“Relax,” I said. “Krayg, find some kindling. Night’s coming.”

We huddled close around the flames.

“Now,” I said, “a spell to read the stars… Where did my wand go? Krayg, what did you use for kindling?”

(source) Open / Comment