Procrastinating having a day with You Pushing every opportunit | Think Different

Procrastinating having a day with You
Pushing every opportunity that gets me closer to You
Im just wandering.
I really want to but i guess i didnt need it that much
Leaning into what is not Your word; Your word that is new everyday
Your word that i would never get used to
But now
Now i have gotten in to condition of not really caring at all
A condition of losing sense for everything.
Not caring if i meditated Your word or not
Not caring if i prayed or not.
I would defend and stand up for myself saying
"This is not me.
Where did this come from?
Did You block Your mercy?"
But I cant.
I cant because that personality lives in me. Waiting for perfect opportunities to show up and say "I told you i would come back."
This has gotten me so weak. Weak as in not hoping for a better tomorrow; a better day or a better anything.
And i guess this is where You come in, right God?
Time when i lose faith in myself;
Time when i end up quarreling with everyone around me;
Time when i need someone to rescue;
Time when i am empty.

This is why i need a savior, a redeemer, a deliverer to take me out of the mess i got myself into because i cant do it all on my own.


I often found myself in a situation i swore i wouldnt get in but still that doesnt keep you from giving me Your love.

I was wondering how being God is a hard thing and an impossible thing. People have claimed to be God but they really didnt understand the weight of it.
Giving a fair judgement.
Loving without being loved first.
Being a rock for those who betrayed Him.
Waiting open wide arms to those who insult Him.
This is a God that we have.

In my admitting of being weak, You being the strong one becomes clear.
In my admitting of losing faith on myself, You being the faithful one becomes clear.

So i will never stop coming to You even if i mess up because You hold the key to everything.

@standard_life_love
@standard_life_love