Heavenly father, I am back with more questions… All knowing o | Scribbles

Heavenly father,
I am back with more questions…
All knowing one show wisdom to this finite mind…
Tell me if you really are an ally,
Do you really stand beside sinners or do they say that just to gain followers?
Heavenly father, speaking of…Why do you beg for followers?
Why would a creator have the need to own his own creations…? Who do you have to prove yourself to?

Heavenly father are you an ally or are you a threat? Cause recently fear and paranoia is the music I listen to. Cause recently I almost killed a man…Recently I look over my shoulders when I’m not at home and recently I see your image creeping around every corner. I see you in your children, God, and I don’t like what I see…

Heavenly father, I have questions Let’s see if you really have all the answers…What gives you the right to do as you please? They tell me that my prayers are ingredients for blasphemy but who else would I trust with my thoughts but you? You gave me this brain, and I know you expect me to use it.

You gave me a brain. You gave me the disease. Cause I tend to see things when they are not there, and I don’t like what I see. Is psychosis just another word for spirit interaction? Did I misunderstand myself? Are you like me? The one above all, do you too get lost in your head? Cause recently I almost killed a man, he was holding a knife…he had it coming, and he looked just like you.

Heavenly father the one above. A God. And I know you're a drunk writer who never edits so maybe I'm the grammar mistake in your perfect page, I go out of character at times, I guess you can say the verb doesn't quite agree with the subject,
Your subject.
And the tip of your pen seems to stab recently And your hammer just destroys,
An author,
Above all,
A God.

Heavenly father, I have questions, and I know not all questions are meant to be asked just as all questions are not meant to be answered…
But I’ll ask anyway
If you created everything,
Then you created evil too,
And I know that's as dumb as assuming that the guy who made cars created car accidents
But rationality exists the equation when things get personal
Cause God, I wouldn’t hesitate to kill that damned car inventor if it means I get to see my son again. Taking a life is not strange as it used to be. Cause recently I almost killed a man…but would it mean disrespect to your commandments if I did it in self-defense…?

Self-defense, I need self-defense…

Heavenly father, fear motivates me. And I am partly sure it motivates you as well…Why else would you be at war with your children? See we might be alike you and I, I fear people. Is that what heaven is…A refuge? A place of solitude? Home? I have questions…Do you have answers?

Can a judge ever be held accountable?

Heavenly father, who am I in your books? What part do I play? Am I the adversary to your heroes? A stepping stone for somebody great, A goliath to a sheepherder? Cause I tend to see things when they are not there…But I’m sure I see you.

Heavenly father, kill my adversaries. Kill my goliaths. Let them not stand once they’re down. Kill for me. Let me have the upper hand… Let me rise in your pages, sink my enemies.

Judge of all, life is not fair and I don’t expect you to be too. Cause taking a life is not strange as it used to be. Cause recently I almost killed a man…I tend to see things when they are not there…but I’m certain I almost took a life, He had a pen for a knife he was creeping around a corner. I saw you in him. I saw me

Self-defense, I need self-defense…

Heavenly father, I’m my own enemy. I’m my own goliath. I tend to see things when they are not there. Save me from myself. I have questions if you have answers, show wisdom to this finite mind. Tell me who I am. Tell me if I’m an ally. Cause recently I almost killed a man, and he looked just like me.


Forever yours without a choice,
Amen.

-Prayers Of a Schizophrenic
@MenAce7