Brought up in a world where they promised they are holding on | Scribbles

Brought up in a world where they promised they are holding on to you until you are of age to stand alone,
that the grip is only to make you stronger,
the rules were made for a calm tomorrow,
for a better future
momma, I grew up.

In a give and take system
where the incentives don't make a lot of sense
but I did the activities anyway, because momma you told me they expected it out of me.
You expected it out of me.
So I did, because I was told.

I counted until the years I didn't quite understand,
the years I haven't quite lived passed
because when that ends you told me I could choose,
that I would be of knowledge to do exactly what I want.
Because you said when the time comes, I would know what I want
that I would be wise
and that I would live
so until then, I held.

I excelled on all the things I have never understood
because it was on the requirement section.
And you told me I would understand the 'why' later
so in hopes for tommorow, I spent today answering given questions.
Because tomorrow would come.
And when it does I would know how to get answers for all my questions.
But for today, for now all I had to do was abide by the rules and stay on top of things.
So I did.

A long leash for today, so I won't fall when I fly tomorrow.
When I grow up
when the vast sky is something I can bear.

But, only, tommorow is here.

And all my promised freedoms are just that. Promises.
Why didn't you tell me freedom of choice was restrained by the choices themselves?
That the vast sky that looked like it had everything was filled with nothing.
Look ma! Tomorrow is here,
only I wish it wasn't.
And I look at yesterday that I considered today for so long,
the time I spent on waiting, and ask myself "is that what I miss?"

Because momma I grew up.
And I wish I hadn't.


#RANDOM_THOUGHTS