American English

2019-01-05 11:25:34 America's first public earthquake-warning app unveiled in Los Angeles..

Could be confusing if you leave your phone on vibrate...

#news Open / Comment

2019-01-02 21:46:17 The Sun: “Good morning want some light?”
Me: “What a beautiful day thanks Sun”.
The Sun: “Here’s some heat as well”.
Me: “Wow getting hot now”.
The Sun: “It’s going to get hot when I expand and destroy your planet in a few billion years”.
Me: “Not if we destroy it first”.

@EnglishAmerica Open / Comment

2019-01-02 21:44:28 aren’t = are not
can’t = cannot
could’ve = could have
couldn’t = could not
didn’t = did not
doesn’t = does not
don’t = do not
gonna = going to
gotta = got to, got a
hadn’t = had not
hasn't = has not
haven't = have not
he’d = he had, he would
he’ll = he shall, he will
he’s = he has, he is
how’d = how did, how would
how’ll = how will
how’s = how has, how is
I’d = I had, I would
I’ll = I shall / I will
I’m = I am
I’ve = I have
isn’t = is not
it’d = it would
it’ll = it shall, it will
it’s = it has, it is
mightn’t = might not
might’ve = might have
mustn’t = must not
must’ve = must have


@EnglishAmerica Open / Comment

2019-01-02 07:54:29 My new job role is to forward emails.

For those confused, the technical term is 'Manager'.

#other
@EnglishAmerica Open / Comment

2019-01-01 11:03:11 A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

#other
@EnglishAmerica Open / Comment

2019-01-01 11:01:03 What a morning...
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t made a snow woman.
8:15 I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the voluptuous chest on the snow woman.
8:20 The gay couple living across the street complained that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 The neighbours on the left, who are vegans, complained that the orange nose, a carrot, this needs to be something else because food is for eating and not to decorate a snowman and woman with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The husband of Fatima wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:40 The Police arrives to see what’s going on.
8.42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because this could be being used as a striking weapon.
8:50 The Salafi jihadist militant group Islamic State made itself known as the snowman.
8:52 My phone is being seized and thoroughly checked while I being blindfolded and flown to the Police station in a helicopter.
9:00 I am asked if I have any accomplices.

#other
@EnglishAmerica Open / Comment

2019-01-01 09:35:55 Open / Comment

2018-12-24 12:22:32 I need more details, more texts, calls and emails
Been more specific, yes I’m here to listen
I know I’m needy but tell me you need me
No don’t be afraid, babe, come on explain

If you love me, love me, love me
Like you say
Darling, tell me all the ways
Tell me all the ways

And he said.. all the ways
All the ways, all the ways
Tell me all the ways
And he said.. all the ways
All the ways, all the ways
You love me
Tell me all the ways
And he said


Take me out dancing, don’t forget romancing
And it’s been awhile since I been your princess
Tell me your heart’s blue when, when I’m not with you
Don’t be afraid, babe, come on explain

If you love me, love me, love me
Like you say
Darling, tell me all the ways
Tell me all the ways

And he said.. all the ways
All the ways, all the ways
Tell me all the ways
And he said.. all the ways
All the ways, all the ways
You love me
Tell me all the ways
And he said

The way you
You love me
The way you
You love me

And he said
Girl, you take care of me
You are my therapy
The better half of me
Say it again, say it again
Girl, you take care of me
You are my therapy
The better half of me
Say it again, say it again

If you love me, love me, love me
Like you say
Darling, tell me all the ways
Tell me all the ways

And he said.. all the ways
All the ways, all the ways
Tell me all the ways
And he said.. all the ways
All the ways, all the ways
You love me
Tell me all the ways..
And he said..
@EnglishAmerica Open / Comment

2018-12-24 12:22:31 @EnglishAmerica Open / Comment

2018-12-23 20:46:50 When you want to agree with someone you can use the following items.


✓I agree with you

✓ No doubt about it

✓You nailed it on the head

✓You can say that again

✓ I had the same idea

✓That's exactly how I feel

✓You have a good point there

✓ I couldn't agree with you more

✓ I was just going to say that

✓I feel the same way
@EnglishAmerica Open / Comment