OneTwoLAUGH™

2021-04-01 18:22:50 @OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2021-02-14 11:52:07 @OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-12-14 18:47:45 Dickie entered Pussie's room without knocking.

Pussie: Dickie, this is wrong!! What if I was naked or dressing up??

Dickie: That can never happen, Pussie.

Pussie: How can you be so sure??!!

Dickie: I always peep first and if you are naked, I'll just wait and watch until you have dressed up before I enter.

@OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-12-09 16:41:50 Dear Dickie,

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections; I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown; and I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt; my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch; or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind. 

I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back; when I lean over you can't see three inches of crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb; I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side; I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball; I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't tell you my wife just does not understand; or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep; then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! 

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see; forget all about that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks; join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true; I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

Sincerely,
Pussie

@OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-12-09 16:41:50 Dear Pussie,

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. 

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball; it's more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you say it's not going to work; I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure; I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. 

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see; I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bloody every 28 days; I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true; I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

Sincerely,
Dickie

@OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-12-08 02:30:00 Pussie: Communication is key

Dickie: What's wrong?

Pussie: Nothing! Good night!

@OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-12-07 08:34:53 My girlfriend Pussie broke up with me. She said it's because I was always correcting her.

She came over to my house the other day and said, "Wiener, we need to talk."

I said, "My name is Dickie."

She said, "See? I can't say anything right around you!"

@OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-06-08 06:51:22 As a painless way to save money, Dickie and Pussie arranged that every time they have sex Dickie puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.

One night while being unusually athletic, Dickie accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.

To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. Dickie asks Pussie, "What's up with all the notes?"

Pussie replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."

@OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-04-11 17:00:05 @OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment

2020-04-09 18:38:33 @OneTwoLAUGH Open / Comment