This quote is taken from a book on weaning babies, but it rings true through the different stages of our children’s growth, that it begins with parental regulation, transits into co-regulation, aiming towards and reaching self regulation in the end.
When the child speaks rudely at others, he has yet to learn how and given the opportunities to speak politely. When he goes into a meltdown when he doesn’t get what he wants, he has yet to learn to regulate his emotions and engage in healthy negotiation. When he is unable to stop his activities when he is supposed to, he has yet to learn and exercise self discipline. We can either fault and punish them to suppress these behaviours, or we can use these scenarios as feedback and use them as opportunities to scaffold what is needed for them to become polite, self-regulated and self-disciplined.
This is the autonomy and power we have as our children's parents.
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