Someone I know once told me that if you're having problems wit | The Sun & Her Flowers

Someone I know once told me that if you're having problems with everyone around you, maybe you're the source. The cause. Whichever.

And I don't see any relationship with people around me that I haven't messed up somehow and it's sorta depressing. There's oceans of emotions and problems I've buried everywhere and now I'm starting to see them all one by one. Since a week ago I swore on fixing them and I'm making baby steps. I think.

I feel like I've failed all of you here. All of my realest friends, people I consider family, you're in this channel. And the one's I've never met too, I know you came here looking for the positivity and the ideas I had flowing and as disappointing as it is, I lost my way somewhere along the line. Will I find it? I honestly don't know. All I can do is hope and work on myself.

Would you believe it if I thought of deleting this channel a few times? That's how bad things have been getting but no, I would never. Pushing the things that remind me of me won't make anything better now, would it?

I know I keep talking about how lockdown (or quarantine, whatever) was for me and as much as it feels like an excuse, it really isn't. It is by far the worst year of my life and I tried to justify it with the so called lessons I learned from it but let's face it, I don't have that sunshine I once did. And that's okay. That's not the end of the world. But as much as it took, I refuse to stop writing cause of a series of not so good incidents. Dear life, I hope you're listening... I'm not letting this dream go. I'm not giving up another thing I love just because you demand it.

This isn't a goodbye at all, its a rant. Or another life update no one asked for. But well, my channel, my diary, my home. I write what I want here.

I still love you guys.