I don't know if this is a rant or an apology. But here goes no | The Sun & Her Flowers

I don't know if this is a rant or an apology. But here goes nothing.

Throwback to a month ago. After I lost touch with my old self completely, I had no idea where to go or what to do. Or if there was anywhere to go for me. I hadn't given up entirely but most of me already had. Nothing made sense- not school, not my religion, not my hobbies, dreams and goals, not my relationships with people. I think that was as lost as I could possibly be as a person. I think I got through that. I think a ray of sunshine seeped into the cracks of my walls, thanks to the guidance and respect I got from someone really important to me. That's only the very first step and I still have a very long way to go. But nevertheless, the feeling of being stranded still comes back once in a while. That's cause I'm yet to deal with all the stored trauma and bad habits I've built up all along. What I can't seem to be able to handle is who I am in the eyes of the people around me. The friends who still think I'm amazing and well... sunshine. The parents who absolutely believe their daughter is going to do great things one day. The 727 people that still wait here to read the crazy stuff I write. The people who admire one little thing about me and remind me of who I once was. I love you all and you keep my pieces together but I sometimes feel guilty because I get to be seen as someone with talents, someone loveable and all when I often feel like I'm just left with the ashes of that girl you all admire.

(I'm not sad or giving up, just expressing what I feel. I'll get better, I'll be better, and you will too. )
@thesunandherflowerss