2022-03-03 13:20:52
I don’t often spend time thinking about my past, as I find it a generally unproductive practice. Tonight, however, I found myself reflecting on the patterns of my sin since childhood. I realized that all of the wrong directions I went in, whether physically or spiritually or both, was an effort to resolve, in any way I could, one or another form of pain.
I did not have, at the time, either the ultimate cure for spiritual pain - Christ - or the proper paradigm by which to understand the various ways that pain can help us detach from the illusion of temporal permanence (which is a major cause of pain in itself) or how it can be used by God to sanctify us. Often sanctification involves exactly that: overcoming illusions of temporal permanence.
Physical pain reminds us of the fragility of our bodies and the degree to which we depend on God for our very existence. Psychological and spiritual pain can often indicate to us either an improper understanding of the Christian worldview or it can be the result of sin, which it ought to inspire us to stop committing.
Not knowing any of this, I tried anything I could to try and feel better; I equated “feeling good” with goodness and “feeling bad” with badness. Hence my various addictions, which I fell into just trying to feel better - even when I knew it was temporary and would suffer even worse pain as a result when the high of one thing or another wore off. Even knowing that, I acted on my impulses because at least it would ease my pain in the short-term. It was a terrible strategy with terrible consequences.
I just wanted to say that if you’re experiencing pain - whether psychological, physical, spiritual or a combination of these - the solution is never the quick and easy thing. It isn’t drugs. It isn’t alcohol. It isn’t fornication. All these short-term “fixes” will destroy you in the long run.
You have to give it all to God. You have to trust that your experiences have a purpose, given by Him to bring you closer to Him. You must “become less, that He may become more.” He is truly the only balm for a wounded soul, the only cure for a wounded heart. I hope and pray that He will grant you the strength and perspective to endure your pain in a Godly way, allowing Him to heal you so that you may become like Him.
464 views10:20