Stop Personalizing Events, Start Externalizing Them If people | Human Nature

Stop Personalizing Events, Start Externalizing Them

If people could stop blaming themselves for things that have happened in their lives, the rate of depression would decrease dramatically. We are generally brought up to believe that the world is a fair and rational place; that if we are good, good things will happen to us. But if things go well when we are good, what does that say about us when things go wrong? Our belief in a “Just World”—where the good are rewarded and the bad punished— makes us blame ourselves for the bad things that happen to us.
When we are wronged or hurt in some way, there is a tendency to ask, “Why did this happen to me?” People look back to see what they did to cause the situation, even in the case of a natural disaster. Self-blame, guilt, helplessness, and shame irrationally arise when bad things happen, and these can lead to depression.

We create and choose our beliefs. Once we understand this, we can let go of the idea of a Just World and think more rationally about negative experiences. We might suffer from bad parenting, job loss, or even a devastating tornado, but these things did not happen because we are doomed to misfortune, nor do we deserve to be treated badly. To recover from these setbacks, we need to stop personalizing events, start externalizing them, and realize that sometimes bad things just happen. To turn natural sadness into depression, all you have to do is blame yourself for the disaster that has befallen you.

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