2021-06-24 19:02:08
I’m the one who told my husband he’s sexually assaulted me and then got the silent treatment. Well, I’m leaving his ass.
I’m finally feeling it. The anger and the drive to change my life.
For years I’ve been in limbo. Not feeling worthy of being happy. Taking everybody else’s feelings into consideration but never my own. Beating myself up on a daily basis. I’ve never hated anyone more than I’ve hated myself. I’ve been in a numb state for three years. I’ve been dissociating more than I’ve been living. Making excuses for my abusers but not giving myself even a little bit of grace.
I’ve known I’ve wanted to leave. I’ve known I’m unhappy and that he’s abusive. But a lifetime of gaslighting from all of the people who are supposed to love me most has left me feeling like I’m the problem. So I’ve stayed.
Recently I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m too weak. I knew I wanted to leave, I knew it was toxic. But I didn’t feel even remotely ready, mentally. I couldn’t see how I could handle it.
That’s changed. Surprisingly. I honestly thought I may live the rest of my life in a state of dissociation. Be quiet and meek and do what everyone else wanted me to do.
But his recent behaviour, and all of your words of support and reassurance that I’m NOT crazy, have motivated me. FUCK HIM. Fuck thinking I don’t deserve better. I was raised to think abuse is black eyes and rape is being shoved into a bush and being assaulted by a stranger. My moms words ring in my head on a daily basis. “Well, what did YOU do to make him do that?” And “well if he did that, why did you stay? What does that say about you?” No mom. What does that say about YOU?
It’s been a few days since I told him he’s sexually assaulted me. He stopped the silent treatment today. But we still haven’t discussed what I mentioned. He basically just woke up this morning and decided to act like nothing happened. I have a feeling he is going to want to start a conversation soon where he tries to blame me. CLEARLY I’m mentally ill. How could I accuse him of sexual abuse?!
I’m not entertaining it. I have a phone call today with a local domestic violence centre. I plan on getting out of here as soon as I can. It’s hard. I’m mostly a stay at home mom. I live pay check to pay check. But I plan on applying to everything I possibly can to get support. I need to get me and my girls out of here. I can’t have them ending up like me. I never want them to let a man treat them like this.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Honestly I can’t thank you enough. The words of support and reassurance that I’m not crazy has given me so much strength. I’m honestly a little worried I’ll lose the motivation now that the silent treatment has stopped. But I genuinely feel a shift in me. One I’ve been waiting for for a long time. Thank you thank you thank you
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/o6l1kr/im_the_one_who_told_my_husband_hes_sexually/ source
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