Every Day Poems

2023-05-03 16:06:11 I thought if I went somewhere no one knew me-where I could completely be alone-I would be free. In my mind freedom was where I could ignore all my responsibilities and my problems. And running away seemed the only way to make that happen. So I ran, I ran as fast I could to a whole new place, to a whole new life. And I was right. When I got there, the air seemed lighter- I could breathe it and not suffocate from all the particles it contained. I could be anyone I wanted there, not because I really could but because there was no one there who knew me well enough to tell me I couldn’t. Not even myself. But as time went by, I got to meet new people, got to make new friends and girlfriends and I started to create responsibilities. My fresh start had become my old life. Old friends were replaced by new, same problems seemed to arise and suddenly, it was like I was back there. In that moment I realized that no matter where I went, I would always be there. And the faster I ran from my old life, the sooner I arrived back there. Open / Comment

2023-05-03 13:02:10 Its so hard when someone is falling in love with you and you want to give all the love back to that person because they deserve it but you're afraid of falling for them.

Because you gave all your love to that one person that broke your heart and you don't want to get hurt again.
More like you don't have the same love for it,
enough to give it away.
So, you push them away even when you want them.
But sometimes your healing escape is their
route but you know before you love someone
you gotta love yourself first and that's
how it should work.
No matter how much it hurts.

#letterstoheal


~ Darkpit Open / Comment

2023-05-03 10:55:06 Some memories
are snitches.

They dash
all the stitches.

#ts #pgnt #nss Open / Comment

2023-05-03 08:48:05 All the gods, all the heavens and all the hells are within me,
I believe a battle goes on to decide which side will have me,
I have been a sinner my entire life and that has never bothered me,
I have been lost for so long that now it seems impossible to redeem me,
I have only done a few good deeds and I wonder if they are enough to save me,
They say God is all forgiving but I wonder if He has any forgiveness left for me,
So I sit here in my worries wondering if there is any salvation for a person like me.

_Irungu Kennedy_ Open / Comment

2023-05-03 06:41:04 You can't but reciprocate wishes.
That's the least yet the most you can.

#sigh Open / Comment

2023-05-03 04:34:03 Every emotion passes through me like an electric shock, leaving no visible marks yet causing irreparable damage to something deep within me. I know there are people who love me yet I do not know how to feel it. Why am I so hollow? My body is a vessel transporting feelings that do not pause. I see them travelling but I do not feel them. There is a restlessness planting its roots into every corner of my soul. It is not something missing but something absent that causes me to sense the numbed pain that should be sharp yet surprises me a moment then leaves. My life has become a cyclical, monotone sequence. I observe everything that occurs and wonder when I became trapped in the loop. But I do not dare to wish for a change; the only thing I can determine is that it could only get worse. So I’m stuck between wishing I could break free and the fear of falling into the volcano I’ve been dancing around. Even the troubles have become a part of the rotation. Something bad happens and for a few days tempers are brittle and we’re all walking on eggshells. And then we spend the next few days either working through the aftermath or pretending it never happened. And then for a few weeks everything is ‘peaceful’ and ‘normal’ punctuated occasionally by somebody’s mood swings; though the devil that calls itself routine continues to gnaw at me. Nevertheless, someone says something dumb or does something stupid and there we go again. The wise voice of reason seems unable to think of a long-term solution. My own fickle existence always seems to be mostly absent. It manifests in the occasional bouts of frustration, in the irritation accompanying any slight hint of anticipation like a part of me is whispering: you don't deserve to be happy, yet you cannot survive being sad. Every cup of tea I drink, every page I flip, every fantasy I indulge in mocks me. It murmurs: I am not enough of an escape or a distraction anymore, I am only a reminder, an indication of everything absent. I have lost something crucial. But how can you lose something you never found? I guess you're only able to misplace something that only existed as a mirage. I daydream incessantly. Until I can’t. Then my own mood takes a downward spiral and I’m abandoned in the valley of no sky. I look forward only to the night. When I can sleep, breath, dream. Sometimes I wake energetic, sometimes lethargic. But invariably, my perfect day ends. Most of the emotions I do feel are not mine. My disposition is like a sponge, it absorbs everyone’s auras (as long as they’re negative it appears). It’s hard when you understand everyone’s reasoning but they all plead for different things. Someone once told me that ‘one day I’ll mature enough to see the grays in between instead of only the black and white’. Black and white vision is giving the impression of being very appealing right now. But unfortunately, the grays are all discernible and are currently very ugly. I'm in this state of mind where I need something to distract me yet every suggestion bores me. I come across as unreasonable, cranky, antisocial. But I do not believe I am any of those things. I have reasons that contradict each other, I am prone to melancholia and I crave solitude. I cannot comprehend how they are the same thing. Flaws Vs. Nature. I do see my faults though. Fortunately, I have ceased reciting mantras of self-hate though it is still sprinkled through my inner monologue. Maybe I do need someone to talk to but I don’t think that anybody around me has the strength of mind to handle my venting. I wouldn’t overstep somebody’s boundaries or poke their wounds in order to let mine heal. Still there are many notions I do not dare write, speak or even think about. But those too have found their way into the cycle. There isn’t much else to say. I’m just struggling to smother the void in me. Open / Comment

2023-05-03 02:26:12 Heartless

Blame not the silence in his chest, for he is heartless.
A pessimist, who cracks his knuckles to the boneless.
Tame not the beast he unleashes for he is breathless.
Running from himself, losing all his blood because he thought his heart was his weakness.

Curtain not all his skeleton for he is shameless.
Losing all his love with nothing in his veins to impress.
Blame not his tongue, locking the symphony of the words he expresses.
Blame his roots, blame the seeds that traded his heart for his progress.

#poetry
#resentment Open / Comment

2023-04-21 15:33:13 The "butterflies" he gave me have now transformed into bumblebees, no longer tickling but aching.


~shreya jain Open / Comment

2023-04-21 13:26:12 And it's possible that someday
you will fall short of words
only for me to recite with the
rhythm of your lips.

#you

~ Darkpit Open / Comment

2023-04-21 11:19:12 Then he told me where
he had been lost
and found:

This bar has that smell
of adult's nightlife and society's shadow;
it was no surprise then, when
I tried to run from the vertigo, they
pushed me back to accept the fall;
So I fell, face first into the sand, and
look—there were my peers down there,
my colleagues, the misfit ones of them.
There were drugs, there were booze;
it was a party, to let loose.
They welcomed me, so I
came closer;
they were a company, so I
sat with them.

They weren't a bad company, he said.
They were the only company he got.

#random #verse (2/2) Open / Comment